Until the ink runs out...

so i learned to keep hard liquor away from tommy.
for a guy his size he is a fucking lightweight man.
day one he was too rowdy and loud and wreckless.
day 2 he started telling everyone how much he loved them and he almost cried hahah, then he got back to loud and wreckless.
i on the other hand just sat there and laughed my ass off and drank away at new castle(thanks dalton)
so yea part 2 this friday woooooooooooooo

It's been a while since i've been on this bitch, hell i almost forgot i had an account here. Well its Saturday night 2:40am and i'm "supposed" to be on the road to San Deigo, well at least to some guild members i am. You see I've been playing world of warcraft for some time now, i'd say since around late september if my memory serves right. yea yea go ahead and laugh, i once did at those who played this game.But yea back to why i'm here.
So tommy comes with nigel and we're like "wtf lets go do something," and i had just agreed to run heroic BM with 2 guildy's. I couldnt bail on them after saying yea, so i told tommy and nigel to wait about an hour. Impatience is a bitch lemme tell ya. So i'm sitting there trying to come up with some BS excuse to bail seeing as "oh something came up" wasnt gonna cut it (this is somewhat of an important guild, and if i flaked frequently on them it definitely wouldnt look so good on my side of the fence).
I whisper one of them and tell them the band just got added to a fest in sand diego and we go up first thing early in the morning and we're taking off. They say its cool and not to worry. I almost kinda felt bad, but hey wtf i'm a rogue they can find a replacement easily. We leave and lo and behold we literally circled around bellflower and i was back home in 30 minutes.
WTF?!?!?!?!
So now i'm here, cant go on. Dont feel like lvling my alt and i'm thinking. HOLY SHIT, this game is fucking addicting.
seriously, though. worse than heroine, crack and nicotine man. I remember when i'd only play for about 3 hours, now i find myself playing 10+hours a day. Seriously wtf am i doing???? It sounds silly but i'm dead serious this game is fucking addicting. I dont know what it is but i find myself feeding my addiction for 15 dollars a month. Sure i have all this cool gear, and i play my character pretty fucking good, but at the end of the day its still a fucking game. I've come to terms with my addiction but fuck man i just dont see me not ever putting this game on hold. I guess its' because as soon as you get some good "gear" and make some good amount of digital currency you realize that it actually took some time to do this, you had to work for what you got.It just progresses from there with upgrades in gear, shit to buy with money, things to do in the game as you get a higher level. soon you find yourself putting alot into your damn character and end up like me, looking online for the best possible spec and gear and stats to have.It's a fucking monster man i'm telling you.
Interesting enough i have seen the things this game does to people though. I have met lots, and lots, and lots of awesome people. but i've also encountered the dickheads, assholes, and the weirdos on here. if you play a girl character OR are a girl watch out and be prepared to be hit on by males, thats all i gotta say about that haha. I personally know 2 women that have husbands and have long distance crushes/feelings for a guildmate or other player. NO fucking kiddding either a mom with a husband that also played the game often asks me to help her out and is always hinting that she has a thing for me. direct quote "if i were a couple years younger i'd fuck ya and have some fun with ya." hahahha yea kinda weird when her hubby ends up joining party to run an instance.
but yea this is some strong shit, stronger that the best booze made out of russian bathtub.
so yea thats why i've been "gone" for all this time. been playing wow and shit. dont ever play it DONT DONT DONT. but hey if you do feel free to let me know beforehand so i can tell ya to hit my realm up and i'll hook ya up ;).
i need to fucking get my flying epic geebus.
that is all

yes i have been spending the majority of my time there.
One thing i have learned is that the world has an abundance of girl problems. no matter what you do, who you are, they're always there.
wowzers.
i'm supposedly getting tatted again come sunday.
see how that goes.

just got back from bowling.
Kinda lame ass day too.
Oh well I'm fucking hungry though, shit!!!!
Yea that's bout it
'Nuff said

well this week has been quite eventful.
went to see SUPERBAD.
which was supergooood.
ahhahahaa
i was out like everyday.
chilled with justin, tommy and zach alot.
i have to say friday and yesterday was the most fun.

lets see friday went to knotts with a bunch of fools.
hot as fuck.
home.
hit up chain with zach, justin and tommy.
kinda wack.
then hit up the block to see superbad.
came home late as fuck.
then next day went out with tommy and zach at night.
went to The town center to go see superbad again, but shit was too packed.
so we fucked around at the powerstation.
then in n out sesh.
met up with some random ass girls.
weird.
then we left to walmart.
chilled there for a long as motherfucking time.
the 3 of us got dogtags.
fucking hilarious.
hahahaha.
then we bought a waveboard and skated in the parking lot for about half hour.
went driving around.
justins car broke down at vince's so we went to 7-11 and got ranch dressing and drove to vince's. parked pretty far. and snuck up on justins car and fucked that shit up.
hahaha
then we fucking left drove some more and came home.
good fucking night.
then this morning we went to the mall and got zack a kick.
dwayne wayde status.
shit now i need to get a kick fuck all the homies have one!
but yea then hit up the guitar center and bought all this drum shit.
got home at 2. chilled hit up tommy's work and came back.
pretty tight i must say.
this week better fucking own too.
i'm saving up for a new guitar so far i got 350 i need about 400 more.


i realized that relationships fucking suck.
i'm kinda glad i'm not in one right now.
i was talking to michelle and she's already having problems with the new guy.
oh well.
i gave her the best advice possible.
the green eye is getting the best of her.
but fuck really.
i'm pretty much over this whole thing.
i'm done trying.
i give up.
it's kinda funny and sad at the same time how all these people are talking shit about her though.
everyone is saying she's scandalous and fucked up for what she did.
and everyone is saying they hate tiny.
they been saying that her and i were fucking tight together and they had mad respect for the both of us.
i guess we were that couple.
i guess we were that couple i always wanted to be.
the one that everyone else looked up to.
oh well.
i guess she didn't see that.
she definitely downgraded, i can tell you that.
hhahahaha.
oh well.
someday she'll realize what she lost.
until then...
live this shitty life, and suck it dry for all the things it has to offer.
bring it!

shall we burn it, just like the last time?

today.
wow.
well it was crazy.
tommy gave dalton 2 tattoos.
he didn't want to tat me til he got better, what a nice guy. haha.
then everyone scattered.
i was left here pretty calm.
talked to her.
it was aight.
then i seen her profile.
and things changed pretty quick.
there in her about me said: all i need is anthony and nights like these<3
and a pic of tiny and a city at night.
i was crushed, devastated, upset.
i did act on impulse, i confronted her.
she got mad.
she said she could put anything up,
and i do agree.
but doesn't it seem so fucked up how it says thats all she needs?
after the "i'll love you forever" "i'll never let you go" "i need you, i'm nothing without you"....
after all that.....
what is it all just a lie?
am i a fool for buying all this.
i told her exactly what i just wrote and she said she didn't want to talk about it and left.
typical.
thats all i every get other than "i'm sorry" and "idk".
no matter what i'd like to think, the obvious is there.
she's moving on.
and so should i.
don't buy into the shit she feeds me anymore, keep my distance, and just try to forget.
i should be good.
next time i'll be careful not to get into a serious relationship.
my mistake here was that i cared too much.
who knows what i'll be doing.
theres def. lots of different things i can see myself getting into.
so only time will tell.
later that night i went to the movies with ruben, justin and tommy.
went to go see hot rod.
fucking hilarious.
and i'm pretty stoked to say we're all hitting up knotts on friday.
made 40 bux too haha.
as for her,
i had a good time while it lasted,
i wish she were more upfront with things instead of bullshitting me all the time.
she fucked up.
she fucked up real bad.
because even i'll admit that i was a good boyfriend,
i tried to be good, i know i was good.
i did nothing to deserve this.
she hurt me real bad.
There i was, still thinking i had a chance.
she kept me there lingering on, for who knows what.
she knows i love her, and she took that for granted.
she took me for granted.
i let her see a side of me no one has ever seen.
i trusted her. i opened up to her. only to get fucked over.
that is why i won't ever trust another.
she pushed me away.
All the things that are happening are pushing me away.
everything was pushing me away.
all i wanted was to fix things, make them right.
she made things worse and didn't want to accept my help.
it's come to the point where i know i can't control what happens anymore.
i'm willing to accept whatever happenes from here on then.
i'm not gonna stop her from doing what she wants anymore.
let her be with someone else.
i'm letting go...
she lost something good.
she lost me.
i hope she realizes that someday, that whoever she's with,they'll never be as good as me and will never show how much i cared and love her as much as i did.
this is pretty sad, really.
things didn't have to be like this at all.
and i know what's gonna happen.
she's going to say she still loves me.
and that she still cares.
but it's going to be too late.
my guard is back up, she can't get inside anymore.
i locked the gates, and threw the key into the ocean.
no one's getting in.
and for that i'm sorry.

well i been going out alot more.
been doing more shit.
just being home right now feels weird as hell.
things still seem weird with me and her.
i don't know what to think or expect anymore.
i still love her, and i still want her back.
but i stopped trying to talk to her about it.
so all we ever talk about is stupid shit, and it aint even tight.
so idk anymore. i'm pretty much prepared for the worse when it comes.

on a lighter note, tommy got a tat machine and is "practicing"
hahaa
he wants to give me some but i think i'll wait it out til he gets the nack of it.
movies tonight.
sweeeeeet
show on sat.
sweeeeeet.
and who the hell knows what else.

today sucks more than yesterday.
things were pretty tight until i seen that i was moved down on her top friends.
and on top of that she doesn't write back to me at all.
she was pretty pissed off for an unknown reason.
but i think i know why.
some dumb ass bitch was writing comments to me and i think she got mad at that.
but wtf?
thats like nothing compared to the shit she's pulling here.
wtf? she gets to fucking "talk" to another guy and fucking flirt with everyone.
this makes no goddamn sense.
i know she still has feelings, but wtf? if she's gonna get mad, this has to be fucking fair.
i'd understand if she wasn't doing anything at all, but she is.
and plus, that stupid girl is a retarded dumb girl and she's ugly as fuck and i can't stand her. i fucking promise.

but i try to talk to Michelle, but it's like i can't.
it's like she's avoiding me.
and i want to know if she is.
because that way i'll know what to do.
i asked her if she was trying to avoid me, but she swore she wasn't.
so wtf?
i call her and she never wants to talk.
she gets mad and shit.
wtf do i do?
i'm seriously stressing out so fucking much over this shit.
i'ts not good for me at all.
i haven't been sleeping or eating too well at all.
i think i'm just gonna fucking disappear from the fucking planet.
i swear, i don't know what to do.
i try to be nice, and look what happens.

fuck this.
fuck it all.
i'm thinking bout moving.
getting the fuck out of here.
getting the fuck out of this country.
the thing that's gonna suck though is coming up with the money.
fuck shit's expensive.
it's at leat 2grand for the flight over there.
then i need enough money to get me a place to stay AND have money for the monthly payments for a good amount of time before i get a job.
gotta get my visa, and passport.
goddamn i'm gonna need so much fucking money..
fuck!

You know…when someone breaks up with you.
You'd expect to just move on and be happy.
God knows how many of you told me to move on and get a life away from her.
Stop thinking about her. Bla bla blah...
Well…all I can say is this.
If you had a reason to want someone that has nothing to do with love.

Would you still want them back?

I know thats why some of you don't understand me.

So many us have grown to say there is no need for the word why in love. Why do you love someone?
Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with them?
Why do you want to hurt yourself over and over again because you want to be with them?
I know I have reasons to stay. So I can't blame those of you who move on because you don't have a reason and purpose to stay.

It's just the way it is.

It's the same with life.

I'm starting to think my life IS like the many stories and movies that I've watched over the years.
Which is stupid because I'm supposed to be attached to this harsh reality…but if reality wants my life to be the classic love story. Hell…who am I to argue.
It would make my life much easier either way.

Why do you want her back?

Because she was willing to stand by your side and listen when no one else would.
Because she understands you more than anyone closest to you would ever try to.
Because she brings out the best and the worst in yourself and inspires you to be better than you could ever be on your own.

Because she gives you the slice of peace that no one else could give. Because you know you are the only one who can give her peace.
Because you understand her as much as she understands you.
Because you're the only one who loves her darkness as much as she loves yours.

Would that justify her being my soulmate?
I don't know.
She's the first soulmate I've ever had.
Though…I think the rule somewhere states that you're supposed to have only one soulmate.

I'm still here...
waiting.

so yea.
as before...
still shocked. and shakey.
i call her up.
she doesnt pick up, go figure.
At this point i'm getting pretty desperate to talk to her, i needed to talk to her.
i didnt know what to do.
she wouldn't answer my calls, email,NOTHING.
so i do something you see in the movies....
what did i do you ask?
heres what i did:
I fucking ran to her house.
yes RAN.
her house is about a mile away.
oh yea you best believe i ran to her house late as fuck.
my eyes were running too.
i was hellbent on getting there.
i called her finally from a payphone near her house.
she answered.
said not to go to her house.
that i was starting shit with her good friend and she's pissed off at me and she doesn't want to see or talk to me. keep in mind i was concerned as to WHY she broke up with me.
i asked and she didnt want to talk to me.
so i ignored what she had said and went to her house.
she lives in a gated community, so i rang the intercom.
she hung up on me.
access denied.
i got that about oh say 15 access denied's.
i sat on the floor helplessly listening to music that definitely did not suit the mood. i couldnt help but sit there and drown myself in my on anguish. i kept saying to myself... why.. why... why???
the floor was making the pain worse... so i see this couch.. bingo!
move it next to the gate and sit.
holy shit , no fucking cushion! so i had some springs up my ass.
so i sat there... pondering as to how the fuck would i get to her house?
seeing i had to go across 2 gates which require keys... keys that i dont have.
bam. a care comes and opens the gate to go through.
but unlike the other times where i pass on through.. i didnt.. i stayed..
i just longed to hear her voice. so i stayed trying to get her to talk to me on the intercom, giving me the ok to go in, so SHE can open the gate.
but i never got it.
i found it very strange how 6 cars went through that nigh/morning.
from 1-2 there were 6 of them.
on the 6th one i decide to go on through...
i walk towards the second gate.
and i was thinking... how the hell am i gonna get through this... when i looked closer...
HOLY SHIT.
the gate wasnt even closed.
it was slightly opened.
wow.
i open and proceed.
open the little baby gate, and hmmmmm. it wasnt closed either...
it as like a sign that i should have been there.
so i'm there at her doorstep.
didnt want to wake the others.
i can see her window.
the light was on.
so i start throwing rocks at her window.
for like 5 mins straight!
haha
she finally opens.. gives me a look.. like "are you serious??"
and then closes the window.
man was i crushed...
so i continue.
for about 10 mins!!!

then she finally comes out. and tells me to go home.
that she doesnt want to see or speak to me.
and then goes back into her room.
damn you can only imagine how fucking shitty i felt...
i sat there on the floor again.
i felt so helpless.
i felt so useless, for christ sakes there were fucking huge cockroaches on the floor all next to me.
did i care?
nope.
i stayed there til 5.
yes 5 a.m.
hoping she would come out and say something.
i decided to get something to drink.
so i walk to this donut shop bought some drinks.
and proceeded back.
i decided not to go back to her front doorstep again.
this time i sat in the chair outside of the main gate.
i'd wait til she wakes up.
it was 6. so i figured around 11ish.
that was one of the worst things ever.
sitting there on an uncomfortable chair. thinking about the shit that had just happened. wondering whats next?
at 7ish her mom pulls out asking if i were to visit michelle.
i had said yea. and she said she was still asleep.
and she left.
so i sat.
and thought.
and sat more.
til around 11 i used the intercom
i guess i woke her up, she kinda sounded like i did.
as soon as she heard my voice she hung up.
goddamn... got denied again.
i didnt know what to do.
i waited
finally i went inside the courtyard.
waited. til i found out i can still go online with my phone.
timekiller indeed. seeing my ipod was dead.
i wrote to her letting her know i was outside.
she responded letting me know she was mad. didnt want to see me.
i was there til 12noon.
and from what i got from her was that. she is extremely pissed.
and she doesnt want to hear or see me.
and that her mind is set on us breaking up.
i had to go home.
what was i doing there?
i figure i might as well honor her request of me going home.
so i did.
i couldnt stop the tears from coming as i sat down at the bus station.
and here i am.
in the same dillemma.
the day hasnt ended but fuck things get worse and worse as the day progresses.
i'm not placing blame on anyone.
i think that i DO need to change.
maybe i'm too strict.
if it means keeping her, then i'll do it.
nothing's ever hurt this much. ever.
hearing from the one i fucking love, that we cant be together... wow.
you wouldn't know what i would be going through until it happens to you.
i mean. i fucking gave her an engagement ring.
we had plans.
she said forever.
i said forever.
it wasnt supposed to be like this.
its not supposed to be like this...

i can honestly say that yesterday and today are the worst days i have ever lived.
Even though the day hasn't ended, i have a feeling there aren't going to be any surprises in store.

lets recap.

THURSDAY:
My friends band was playing a show. I didn't have a ride. my girlfriend was hellbent on getting me to the show. Her words exactly "I want you to go to the show". I was pretty delighted knowing she wanted me to go, i mean who wouldn't be? so all is fucking great.

FRIDAY:
Day of the show. found a ride. everything is swell. show up at the show, girlfriend shows up, we're all happy, everything is smooth, yadda yadda yadda.
OK heres where it gets fucking lame.every single one of our friends were at the show. so it was natural to wander from group to group. well this was a tad bit different. Well this guy showed up, one of her friends, we'll call him "little T". ok so like yea she gets all happy to see little T and all that gay shit. keep in mind that he came in the middle of the show. BOOM i take immediate notice in the change of her behavior. I was standing outside by myself. then he goes out too and stands in a different area. Who does she go to? HIM. i was there by myself for about 10 minutes.
i was going to see if she would say anything to me. Of course not. i went back inside. Did she come? nope. well i'd be wrong to say she didnt come inside, only when little T went in did she go inside. Oh and did she stand by me? hahhaha NOPE. so yea it kinda upset my a little you know? But ehh it's normal to get somewhat jealous. But seriously.. what the hell? that shit went on from the time he came til deep into the show.
Tommy, Addrie and I went out because we thought the last band had just played... WRONG! we were screwed. No ins and outs. so we left early. So i get home and she tells me she had a blast after the show and she came up with a demo, drumstick and a sweater(little T's sweater). Now i was mad. But of course something is always wrong with me, i have problems and i need to relax.
yea... right
So i was pretty pissed off. And she was in a good mood. ***as a side note, she likes to be a smartass when she's in a good mood, which spells out disaster when i'm blowing hot air***
I almost forgot the back story here...Little T and i are friends... or we were good friends back in the day. He was always in a good mood and very happy. Then when he started talking to my girlfriend he stopped talking to me... odd huh?
well at that moment, he posted a bulletin saying something stupid. and i replied saying "bitch cant say hi no more?" and he said something like "you're too good thats why" and i replied saying "nope, not even, tommy had to force you to say hi to me" and then i said that ever since he started talking to my girlfriend he's been acting weird with me. then he got all weird saying something about if it was the other way around i'd feel weird too. and then i said "w/e, thats why you cockblocked all night" ahahah i was mad, joking around, but somewhat serious. and he got all weird and stupid, so i just said i was fucking around....
so what does little T do? yup that fucking bitch snitched on me.
he fucking straight out turned into a whiney little sonofabitch and told my girlfriend about our little small chat. isn't weird how all these guys that we both know report info to her?
well i was talking to her on AIM and damn she got pissed when little T told her about our talk. she started telling me "fuck you" and that she hated me. she started to threaten me with a "i'm gonna leave you". i was baffled... i was totally shocked on how she took it.
her reasoning? i was "fucking" with one of her good friends.
1st of all.... how is it that you barely meet someone in the beginning of the month and all of a sudden you're a "good friend" already?
that coming from her, someone who has trust issues, is one of the most ridiculous things i've heard all year.
2nd... why does she get asshurt, if little T cant take a motherfucking joke? and
3rd... why did he feel he needed to tell her that? was it really necessary to go and kiss her ass like that? i mean i know she tells everyone to jokingly kiss her ass, but this guy really takes it to heart.

So at the end of our aim battle, she kept saying she hated me and all that fuzzy stuff. and i finally said. "you need to watch what you say, because i take everything you say really serious and i never forget, i always remember"
she then goes on and says, "remember this.... WE'RE DONE"
and then she signs off.
all i could say was WTF.
over and over again.
i was so shocked. it really hit me like, like someone getting shot from behind on their leg.
it totally caught me off guard....
i realized how much this shit is, so to make it easier i'm going to write a part 2

yikes!
tomorrow i'm getting inked.
for the very first time.
It's not the fact that it's my first time that has me nervous,
it's the fact that i'm getting ink on one of the most painful places there is.
the inside of my biceps.
EVERYONE that has tats have told me that there will be a good supply of pain with this.
so yea i am nervous.
if it's as intense as people have told me, then i got some pain coming.
hah.

i'll write about the experience tomorrow.

since the last post things have been like a roller coaster for me.
At the moment things have been going smooth for the most part.

i'm finally getting the tattoo i've been wanting for a good 3 years now.
The only thing i'm waiting on is for the artist to call me back, WHICH he hasn't.... lame...

moving on to the more obvious,
the weather is pretty warm. When i say warm i dont mean easter sunday warm, i mean uncomfortable, sitting down and sweaty warm.


there isn't anything really extravagant going on so I'll end this quick.
i'll update if and when i get my tat with pics. DUH.

is it wrong for me to be stressing over such things?

my girly "hid" a friendship with some bloke for a while now.
unbeknownst to her, i have known about this friendship for a while.

heres the scoop.
we see this fellow at shows all the time. of course my girly is with me.
not once do they speak or interact with one another at any of the times we see him.

i noticed that lately she's been online at later hours of the day, something she hasn't been doing since ages it seems.
i call her and what is she doing? type, type, typing away on the keyboard.
it's obvious i have half her attention when she doesn't catch half the shit i say and asks me to repeat myself. so how obvious does it seem that she's typing something important?
i always ask if she's busy. she says no.
but yet type, type, type every night, night, night.

a visit to her house didn't put me at ease either. she goes on more frequent than ever when I'm there. as if she's waiting for an important message from a certain "somebody."
a quick glance at the screen and booyah what do i see? a good conversation well past the casual line and well into the personal territories is taking place.
jokingly i ask her, so is this your new boyfriend?
and she just avoids the question.
but i must say she did answer later on.
words right out of her mouth, "We only talk about bands and shit like that, i give him advice on some girls he likes. Thats all."
comforted? yea i admit i was.
that was that.
later that day though...
her friend with "all the bright fucking ideas"(sarcasm intended) tells my girly that they should go to a show that night.
so i sit there and listen to them plan the whole shit out for probably 3-4 hours. so i hear the story. her friend provides the ride to the show. they just need a ride back. hmmmmmm......
girly goes and asks who knows who to give em a ride.
while all this time i think... ask me for one i can name a few!!!
but does she?
no.
which raised the question, am i even going?
turns out that i wasnt going.
i didnt get asked if i wanted to go, and boy oh boy you can only imagine how shitty and pissed i felt. this was a show i have known about since fucking feb. its not everyday beneath the massacre plays around here. fucking Canadians...
see the reason i went to metalfest in april was for them.
and i was disappointed when they didn't even show.
but fuck it. it aint about the show.
so i walk home all bummed out and shit.
didnt do a damn thing.
i told her to call me as soon as she got home.
at 12:30 i go online everyones telling me that the show was good.
some fools said it was so-so but for the most part it was good.
now i noticed these guys were home at around 12:14 and still no ring a ding from the girly.
i text her asking if she even got home.
about 30 mins later she calls me. reason she got there late was because the "ride" got lost.
apparently she fell asleep in the car as well.
hmmmmmmm....
she never did tell me who gave her the ride. but i can easily imagine who did. or at least who was in the car.
get me?

so i try to get over that shit, and i was doing good.
but sunday came.
and i saw what she had to say about the show.
she told me it sucked.
but yet she went about it as if she had the time of her life.
hell i even found out she has a nickname for this "boywonder" or her's
she calls him her "baby boii"
sounds friendly huh?
usually i'd be freaking the fuck out, but i managed to keep cool.
i tried to put some humor into this, i asked who her "babyboii" is and she was reluctant to say.
hmmmmmmmm.......

she finally tells me the story behind it, and who it is.
its the same guy i've been telling you about.
surprise, surprise.

her reasoning for not mentioning him at all the whole time?
i been giving people(him) bad looks and he thinks i hate him.
she didn't tell me it was him, but fuck can it be more obvious?
its funny thought because despite the situation and knowing the whole thing was going on i NEVER gave him a dirty look.
i have noticed her look as she never takes an eye off him when he's around.
but I've been doing good in keeping my mouth in check.

so today as im writing this, she's posting bulletins that are specific to him. (its only obvious)
some of the things she's saying is "she cant wait" and theres a pic of a basketball with the caption "SCORE" and hearts at the bottom
hhmmmmm what can she possibly be talking about?
i can go on and on about these posts she's been putting up, but they're all pretty much along the lines of those.
its funny how she's supposed to get a tatoo from one of her friends.
a friend thats hooking it up with the price.
not once did she mention who it was.
i think we all can conclude who the candidate is....

so i write in here not to remind me of all the bullshit i just saw, but to ask myself should i really be stressing out?
are these red flags i should be looking out for?
i really trust her. i know she wont do something stupid.
i know she's smarter than to fuck up what we have.
its just her ways with certain guys that really get worried.
she's what i say hmmm... a little too friendly i guess?
and the way she's all secretive makes it seem really fishy.
even if theres nothing there. you can see how this seems really troublesome from my point of view.

i choose not to say all this to her in full detail as written above because i am afraid. i'm afraid she might take offense to something.
i'm afraid she might get angry at the fact that i'm thinking this and to her its not a big deal. im afraid it might start an arguement.
thats why.



and of late this is what my problem is.
this is what's giving me that really bad gut feeling.
what's making me feel like shit.
what inspired me to try up smoking.
what's on my mind right now.
this in all its glory.

demo soon.
shits gonna be fucking tizzight

so like lately I've been living my life day by day.
not really having a plan set in front of me.
at first it was pretty much worry free.
but now it just scares the shit out of me.
i think that i gotta rethink this whole way of seeing things.


i gotta set goals, they have to be met.
thats the only way I'm gonna see things get done.

i'll start with stupid little shit.
like getting my haircut.
haha.
yea i told you stupid shit haha.

well yea, when i think about this stuff i get all iffy.
ehhh.

anyway.

shits been good!

havent updated this bitch in a while!
events with spenca bitch elevated.
he called me out, told me to go to a show.
i went.
he left.

???????????

last i checked you're supposed to fight when you call someone out.
hahahahha



oh well.

other than that lame nonsense things have been well.


jesus christ we got 5 people living here now.
laterrr

holy crap! updating my blog via cell phone! thank god for wi fi.

god how long its been since i felt this fucking stinging burning pain in my ear.
i do not miss it at all.
gay.

oh well, my goal for inch and half draws near.

i had so much shit planned for the weekend, just to find out that none of its going to happen. due to weather???

FUCK THAT.

something's gonna happen.
i'll make something happen.

but for now im stuck here with a throbbing ear to keep me company.
greeeat.

this is my new lj.

thought of making a new one.
so yup!